When a friend or loved one is diagnosed with ovarian cancer, it can be hard to know what to do or say. Any health diagnosis is challenging, but cancer can be particularly all-consuming. Combine that with the fact that it’s not an experience everybody goes through, and it can suddenly feel very hard to talk to or even help a friend you’re close to. Cancer.net put together this list of suggestions to help people whose friends or loved ones have received a cancer diagnosis:
Although each person with cancer is different, here are some general suggestions for showing support:
- Ask permission—before visiting, before giving advice, before asking questions. And make it clear that saying no is perfectly okay.
- Make flexible plans that can be easily changed in case something comes up or your friend needs to cancel or reschedule.
- Don’t be afraid to make plans for the future—this gives your friend something positive to look forward to. Be careful not to come across as pushy or demanding though.
- Be humorous and fun when appropriate and when needed.
- Allow for sadness—do not ignore uncomfortable topics or feelings.
- Make time for a weekly check-in phone call. Let your friend know when you will be calling, and let your friend know that it is okay to not answer the phone.
- Offer to help with specific tasks, such as taking care of children, taking care of a pet, or preparing a meal. Many people find it hard to ask for help, and your friend will likely appreciate the offer. However, if your friend declines an offer, don’t take it personally.
- Follow through on a commitment to help.
- Try not to let your friend’s condition get in the way of your friendship. As much as possible, treat him or her the same way you always have.
- Ask about interests, hobbies, and other topics not related to cancer—people going through treatment sometimes need a break from talking about the disease.
- If you aren't sure how to help, ask.
What to say
Here are some simple guidelines to use when talking with your friend.
Avoid saying
- I know just how you feel.
- You need to talk.
- I know just what you should do.
- I feel helpless.
- I don't know how you manage.
- I’m sure you’ll be fine.
- Don’t worry.
- How much time do the doctors give you?
- How long do you have?
- Let me know what I can do. (Instead, offer specific ways you can help or other things you can provide if they need it.)
Do say
- I'm sorry this has happened to you.
- If you ever feel like talking, I am here to listen.
- What are you thinking of doing, and how can I help?
- I care about you.
- I’m thinking about you.
- I don’t know what to say. (It is better to be honest than to simply stop calling or visiting out of fear.)
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